When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
