Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
