So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Define "chronic" masturbator.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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