i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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