My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
As shirtless as possible
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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