he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
