our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
