Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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