Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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