Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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