vagina is talking i cant
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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