did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
