I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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