what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
