I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
