yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
