dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
