I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
