hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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