i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
