I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
