No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
