no, he came in my armpit
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Pooping to opera.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
