its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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