Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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