R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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