my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
