So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
