she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
