i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
