Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
