Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
thus making me awesome and them whores
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
