I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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