ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Hippo gnu deer
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
