Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
