I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
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