I wish they made helmets for livers.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
