So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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