: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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