I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
