also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
