What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
