i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
there is puke in my bra ... again
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
