well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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