yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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