He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
