The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
