The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I need a beard to bite.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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