So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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