you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
