It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
