I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
