I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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