drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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