Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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