I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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