I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
