barbara walters just said penis...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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