What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
