I'm so fucking centered right now
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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