There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
