I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
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