Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
