We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
