He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
