i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
