guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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