i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
