"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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