"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
