Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
