dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
