That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
