the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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