I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
