Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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