you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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