I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
