i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Couch. On fire.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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